plain pain

Hathii denyatk oo mahma tamshee feehaa .. a5r el 6reej masdood. 9ara5t min kent 6efil ya denya oo kebart w9ar el galb mar3oob, ya denya shefna minich far7a .. oo bikaina min ba3dich esh'hoor, 3afoona ely kanaw enadona belma7aba wiswat el ahl oo the3na kama tha3 el yeteem, wenkan el yeteem ma7roog galba oo beka 3la bait esneen weshmal ely 3nda ahl oo esamoona yeteem, nesma3 ba5bar omna wabona wilsha3ar e6ee7 eb naf5at ree7 , kanaw eshelona 3ala aktafhm oo hal yoom law enmr nebtsm egoloon weshmala hal'3areeb, entaras el galb bham ma yet7amla shayib .. oo hatha el shayib galba ga9er.. lakin min ejroo7 el shoog mathal feeh roo7, kil laila emr ka2na 3omr .. wil 3omr mithl el kas etha enksr sheraj3a.. galbin me7trg law mahma tshab3a thalj.. mahma tshab3a thalj ra7 yetba5r we6eer oo ethel emwal3 oo 3omra yam'9i feeh, yenam oo mayijeeh noom.. ethel el 3agl yaktb min el 8ahar o galba ewen 6ool el lail.. enadii 3ala el ahl oo ye9ra5 mabeehm 5air, tha7ak hamik oo galik ta3al .. galik ent mant '3areeb ana wyak min 3omr namshi bnafs el mkan, Toxic i wake up everyday on the wrong side of bed, i wake up daily with heavy weights on my chest.. i wake up to rethink of yesterdays hits i rotate and turn and it puts my outsides in, this regular schedule is givin me headaches and effecting my health.. still hurting from the past and i cant heal like this .. maybe in this big world i am just empty within , n every other day the devil is temptin, every time i open my eyes i dont know what tomorrow brings but im certain of the pain that will roll in.

Out Of the Blue

oooh im a mess right now.. inside out, searching for ways to surrender.. working it out ? how ! its not a new life.. ive known it for my whole life.. i see heaven right outside, but the devil walks me home every night ! now ? i cant shake this feelin.. theres nothing wrong.. but where is it right ? easy baby your my life and im your soul.. feed me happiness and il be surfin galaxies .. how long ? how long now will it go on.. this life of mine being tipsy and swingin from left to right ! running to walking all the way down to crawling.. ill keep moving.. this life should know whose controlling ! il break this luck into pieces ! baby this hearts energy never dies ! i am here i am me i create i generate i am what no one can make, whatever comes next in lifes agenda ill be ready.. no more of this suffering i can hold.. im ready to be strong im ready to prove the world wrong.. i speak reality but i guess thats a former language.. i call it like i see it Spread the word tell the world im coming.. im coming and ill be spreading love.. no more room for hate.. all i want is too.. BREATHE

The Things We Do

There Are No Endings They say.. only new beginnings... seems like im the lucky one with the long ass everlasting ending... it been 7 years.. ive been living an ending for 7 years.. damn i dont even remember whens the last time i shed a tear.. tears dont mean anything to me.. it hurts more though.. it kills from the inside this worlds love is so cruel.. Do i dare to claim that i can breath.. do i dare to let go ? what has this world made of me.. ive been walking on knives for years now.. making my way to my stone.. look at me look at what it made of me.. my hopes were lies, my dreams were commercials.. is it me ? am i so cold.. trapped in a box its where my life was for so long. im a long way from home.. but yet again ? what is home ? where is it ? whos in it ? these things burn me.. there are emotions that burn me that arent supposed to be part of my journey !! im on a sinking boat heading to a painful world.. make the trip or not its gonna hurt and the wounds go deep.. darkness never turned to day.. every obstacle possibly made is in the way.. drifted away by the rain. i stood in the middle of it all.. i put a smile on despite of it all.. im holding on, tryn to be somebody.. seeking greatness.. but its not labeled neither is it under my sight. am i wrong for goin away ? am i wrong for tryn to be what i want to be ? LIVING HURTS it hurts alot sometimes, but its the only thing i know.. and it breaks me.. but its only worse when i bleed.. it a long way and it gonna take long to heal this.. my soul will never grow old.. for this lifetime i will ever fight !

Emptyness

Working to achieve it but never getting near.. it keeps on trippin and flippin on you.. your so close your tryn to feel it but no way its gonna let you take it.. time after time you clear up your mind and go in with all your powers and desires.. it lets you through it lets you take your steps but you only get as far as seeing it.. its your dream its where your smile awaits. but youll never take it im a survivor no1 can deny that, a hero of my own ill always say that.. crawled out of a grave i keep on regretting that cuz since i did i was introduced to this whole new life you see.. where you work and fight to be and watch 'life' wreck it on the spot while your half asleep. why did i have to face that why me.. this isnt how its supposed to be.. posing a smile and sending joy but deep within me im just a broken toy. no story or a purpose in this planet to serve, ran around the globe found hundred hearts of gold but none were mine to hold. on a daily basis i lose them battles with life.. ive got a tear tryn to escape an eye and fake a smile with lots of pain inside.. people all around seem to be doing fine life doesnt seem to mind.. how much more ? when will it stop ? i lost it all.. broken and torn inside out. a lost soul an empty mind and a broken heart thumping cause it doesnt know how to stop. i pray for it to change.. please my life is no game.. i lost them happiest years they say and i nod like it doesnt matter as if theyre gonna come again.. if only my blood had a say, oh man it would say the scariest things.. under that flesh i feel that flow of rage. it wont stop not until it sees a change.. cuz man i tried givin life an excuse i tried to find a reason but even the closest people arent able to feel it and i cant even bare im like a volcano thats holding its deadliest eruption, like a suicide bomber wanting to push that trigger. my levels of hope are drained out, can you change that? i give in.. i dont wanna face it.. paralyse me break me take my breathes i dont mind even death.. just make that pain go away im trapped in my own life.. im unable to run from me im dead but im living cuz life is enjoy playing tricks on me.. a lab rat nothing more nothing less.. feeding me that poison all day then givin me a moment to see bright light.. ive seen enough of my dreams get shattered away.. i cant even share that kind of pain. all i ask is to disconnect me from this life.. end me in peace.. take me away quietly please. i beg of you :( please

For the future..

After that long day.. that long life.. when your body stops running and all that power and energy from within starts rushin through ur brain and ur brain keeps on taking and taking with no breaks it starves for more crys for attention and nothn can stop this once it goes so far....
At that point.. at that point you click and understand, analyse and generate that life of yours.. but that silence got you tied up!! You keep it within you.. hidin it in the heart of your soul !! Pushin it all around and the brain wouldnt stop juggling with it but ur still not taking it out ur still not setting ur self free !
Your trapped ! Trapped inside of that world inyour head ! I can see you screaming for help but none is willing to bend and listen..  that little you inside your head is getting ripped from both ends !
You exlpode you burst when ur all alone tucked in bed with those thoughts runnin through ur head! Praying for this part of the night to end ! Is this me ? Why am I so bent? Im a tough one I can comprehend.. take those few steps and look at the mirror.. do u like what you see ? Is this what you wanna be !? Wash them tears away and look so bright ! I know them tears werent so light... life is winning and things arent the same.. but as time passes youll pick yourself up and remember those days when u shed those tears away.. in many pointless ways.. your bigger than what you think you are a survivor in the crowds !!

Let this day by.. it wont hurt us if we smile.. and guess what? Il be here everysingle time ! 
So I give you this humble post tonight !

Just smile ;*

For the future..

After that long day.. that long life.. when your body stops running and all that power and energy from within starts rushin through ur brain and ur brain keeps on taking and taking with no breaks it starves for more crys for attention and nothn can stop this once it goes so far....
At that point.. at that point you click and understand, analyse and generate that life of yours.. but that silence got you tied up!! You keep it within you.. hidin it in the heart of your soul !! Pushin it all around and the brain wouldnt stop juggling with it but ur still not taking it out ur still not setting ur self free !
Your trapped ! Trapped inside of that world inyour head ! I can see you screaming for help but none is willing to bend and listen..  that little you inside your head is getting ripped from both ends !
You exlpode you burst when ur all alone tucked in bed with those thoughts runnin through ur head! Praying for this part of the night to end ! Is this me ? Why am I so bent? Im a tough one I can comprehend.. take those few steps and look at the mirror.. do u like what you see ? Is this what you wanna be !? Wash them tears away and look so bright ! I know them tears werent so light... life is winning and things arent the same.. but as time passes youll pick yourself up and remember those days when u shed those tears away.. in many pointless ways.. your bigger than what you think you are a survivor in the crowds !!

Let this day by.. it wont hurt us if we smile.. and guess what? Il be here everysingle time ! 
So I give you this humble post tonight !

Just smile ;*

Changd in need

You know when a new day isnt so new ? so you know its time for a change.

That 'no reason' smile doesnt show up randomly anymore, that bright sweet smell isnt so sweet anymore, those friends and relatives arnt so excited on seeing you anymore.

Waking up feeling worse than yesterday..
Waking up only to find yourself lonely..
Waking up with no more hope to keep you awake
Waking up and feeling extremely mentally and emotionally dead.
Why wake up?

When will this just be a memory to be forgotten? Why am i the one to suffer in this fake environment?

You stay up all night trying to figure out why.. all night to understand why.. the whole night passes and you wouldnt know why.. u keep remembering those dark moments.. all you want to know is how are you going to survive this night alone ! Will you see another bright day? Will your life ever lighten up? Will i ever be happy !!??

Somewhere along the way you discover an escape route.. an escape like no other.. you hopelessly go for it.. praying for a dash of happiness just around it !! You discovered the only way out is to sit down and dream about it !

Pray for that smile.. i miss having a real one :(